The mirror has not been kind to me
Reflecting back what I don’t want to see.
Where I am trapped when I feel free,
Locked inside the cage, when I see the key.
I leave my body. I go away.
Sometimes for an hour, perhaps a day.
Where nothingness is everything.
Where my heart can’t talk, but my head can sing.
Lust can linger, greed can ferment.
Where I am crowned the most magnificent.
Whatever it takes to sate the pain I sense
Darker than the need for love or sex or violence.
This humanity has cast a spell on me.
I am wholly at its whim.
I rise above only to drown in the tide.
I see the thing I cannot take away or hide.
The thump, the soul; the pull, the hole.
A perfect dichotomy.
The waking life a dream,
The dream a death,
When plagued by self-consciousness.
So be it all,
The greatness and the fall.
No longer squelched.
No longer condemned.
At last, the end, amen.