Free Hearted

When I finally take a moment to listen

To the bump, bump, bump in my chest

There is a question louder than expected,

Where have you been?

In my head, I reply.

Refining my ability to be ambivalent.

I read more about people like Angelina Jolie

Than I know about the war in Iraq.

I am more interested in the antics of the Kardashian clan

Than what’s happening to my own family.

This is what my heart says when I chose to listen.

I don’t want to see the places where I am stuck.

Encouraged to be deaf, dumb and blind,

In order to be a version of a woman

I think a man will want to love.

So I tune out and my life slides by

To a paycheck of fear and unresolvable stress.

Where I do not hesitate to cross the street

If I see someone I don’t like for no reason at all

Heading in my direction.

Relying on Facebook’s easy friendships

Living on the surface of my overly-surfaced life.

I promote any random thought as if it were significant.

Because I feel so insignificant unless I’m on television.

Then I must matter.

I can be counted for something by someone

Because surely someone is counting on me.

This is what my heart sees

When I open up my oblivious, disillusioned eyes.

But the moment I open my heart

The initial rush pours out like a waterfall

Dropping me faster than I am prepared to swim.

My heart longs to be free

Of the part I refer to as me

The fear, the need, the malevolent greed

I have almost drowned here before.

So, I jump.

To see the me that longs to be.

Where I am free of everything I know I am not

So I can be everything I know I already am.